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| Many eons passed. Mofoism stood on hold. The Great Anti-Mofite War broke out across the entire Mofuniverse; trillions of people dead - trillions of gallons of Dew lost.
It was a tragic time for everyone involved, yes, even you, although I'm sure that the Anti-Mofites wiped your minds clear of the entire ordeal. They probably replaced it with some ridiculous made up stuff like Britney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton drunk driving. We all know none of that would ever happen, so break free of the lies, and see the truth!
The reign of Anti-Mofitism shall be difficult... Now that the Dew supply is being secretly regulated by the evil Anti-Mofite President, a crazy psychopath named Douglas Daft, CEO of the Coca Cola company, and person responsible for the sell of Mello Yello.
 
Well, clearly something had to be done! I contemplated for several thousands years.... Or a few seconds, I'm not really sure, actually...
And finally I knew what had to be done... Of course once, many centuries ago, I broke free of the bonds of mortality in order to become Mr. Mofo, the amazing superhero of Mofoism, so that I could save the Moforld from certain doom. But I knew that Mr. Mofo wasn't powerful enough... No, not for a task as grave as this. If I wanted to succeed, I would have to mutate into a Mofonster so powerful that babies begin to cry after being born. In retrospect, I've become so powerful that babies began crying when being born at the beginning of time, which should speak volumes of the immense power bestown upon myself...
Captain America has nothing on me... For I have become Super Mofo America!!!!! Of course a random frog sits upon my shoulder, ready to do my bidding, and green from extreme Dew consumption.
I began searching for enemies to destroy, for naturally that's the first thing any good Super Awesomely Amazing Mofo would do... So I went on a 15 day excursion through the tropical rainforests of central Africa, only to find myself back in my room... Where I was suddenly attacked by Yoda!?!?!?!
I whipped out my Antenna Weapon of Death, and prepared to do battle...
The battle was quick, but fierce. Neither hero gave any ground to the other. It was a stand still. A draw.
I knew that if I wanted to defeat Yoda, I would have to study up on his philosophy, so I headed down to the local Walmart to pick up the Original Trilogy on DVD, paying, of course, with a 60 day World of Warcraft game card, which is not only just as good as money, but better! Of course I couldn't resist buying some Dew while I was there...
After intense studying of approximately 14 minutes, I returned to my own room, which is actually where I did the studying to begin with, and prepared to battle once again. little did I know that Yoda had cloned himself three times!!!!!!1111oneoneoneone
Of course, in the end, I pwned all four Yodas. I mean if a level 70 with Tier 5 gear decides to grind in Ashenvale, it's not going to matter if he's fighting 4 mobs at a time, he'll pwn them all very quickly. I was very tired, though, and I needed to rest. I didn't get much of a chance, unfortunately, for suddenly a leaping tiny ninja came flying at me!!!
I pwn-blocked him, of course, reminding him that I myself held a second degree black belt in TaeKwonDo.
Well, it wasn't long after that when Al Gore approached me. I walked with my eyes down, hoping to avoid being noticed, but alas! I was too late. Al Gore came up to me, telling me that my Dew consumption was increasing the global warming rate by .000000000000001 percent every thousand years, and that I had to do stop drinking so much Dew. I glanced into his shopping cart, which is not pictured here, and noticed that he had bought a large quantity of Dew himself. I commended him on being a Dew drinker, but he would not take no for an answer, so I was forced to throw an Uber-Punch!
I decided that I had done enough heroic (Or maybe not heroic?!) deeds for the day, so I flipped my wrist around, and began shredding on my watch...
...And on my shirt...
And obviously on my guitars...
Then I was finally finished... At least for today, anyway. I decided that it was time to level up on WoW... But I would forever go down in History as Super Mofo America, who is, of course, supported by Stephen Colbert.
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| Okay, I will start a new tradtion, and once every random set of days (AKA whenever I dang want to) I will choose a topic to make really stupid jokes over, because I want to....
I just saw an ad for Reese's Pieces, so I'll just do that, why not.
Okay... Reese's Pieces... How stupid can I get? Time to find out.
What did the horoscope expert give his girlfriend for valentines day?
A pack of Reese's Pisces.
What type of candy does Circuit City sell?
Reese's PCs.
What kind of candy do you find in the bathroom?
Reese's Pisses.
What did the really cool people give to Trey every day?
Reese's lots of hundred dollar bills.
Now that I suck, I need to go play a guitar.
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You must all now contemplate the Mofreatness of Barry Bonds.
That is all. | | |
| It was discovered by Mofaster Senon recently that a grave Mofin has been committed. An atrocity so great that it brings doom and dispair to the hearts of all Mofoists. faction of Mofoists have broken away from the true way... Their taste buds have been burned to such a degree that they stupidly think that Mello Yello is better than Mountain Dew. This is the MOFULTIMATE MOFIN OF ALL MOFIME, and they must pay for such an appalling crime.
First of all, we must hunt these rogue Mofoists, or Mofasists (Not to be confused with the Mofascists, who are bad, but very awesome compared to the scum of Mello Yello drinkers!) but in order to do that, we must be able to recognize them in a crowd of normal Mofoists... Can you spot the Mofasists in the following pictures?
Once you have become skilled at identifying and locating evil Mofasists, you must then learn how to properly beat the Mofit out of them! To do this, I have brought fellow Mofoist and friend Wolverine, in honor of X3, which is indeed a Mofoistic Mofovie, to demonsrate several techniques that you may use to destroy Mofasists.
First of all, you must retract your claws...
Then, you must prepare to stab.
Finally, you must SLAP the Mofasist in the FACE by stabbing through it!!
If you are unable to retract your claws, you may also plant a nuclear bomb within their body and detonate is while they drink the shameful Mello Yello.
This is a very pressing matter that we must take care of quickly, or the Mofasists will join forces with the Anti-Mofoists, and destroy all Mofiety as we know it. In other recent news, it has been confirmed that Babe Ruth is in fact a Mofasist, so Mofoism's Mighty Barry Bonds must now pass him Sunday, for no Mofoistic player may be outdone by a Mofasist! | | |
| Mofoism...
It was one year ago today that the illustrious religion of Mofoism skipped into an era of internet perfection. One full year of sexy memories and learning experiences have passed, but ten trillion similar years lay ahead waiting. But many do not understand the hardships which Mofasters have to endure in order to uphold Mofoism's high standards in their lives, and likewise, many do not understand how the amazing story of Mofoism began. It is now time to learn.
Mofoism began in the hearts of the Mofasters Senon y Trey late in the year of 2004. We both began to experience amazing and divine visions which showed us the true way, and we personally partook of the glorious Mountain Dew, which gave us our strength. It was several short weeks after this that I, Mofaster Trey, gave an important speech informing potential Mofoists of how awesome and massive Mofoism really was... One photograph of this monumentous event has survived, and the rest of been destroyed by jealous anti-Mofites...
It was not long after that event that Mofoism transferred itself to the internet, where it could reach the less fortunate beings of the entire universe. It was the vision of the Mofasters that Mofoism spread across the galaxy, enveloping all beings towards its mind control. And by mind control we mean happy paradise. But in order to spread such amazing sexiness, I have had to personally endure many hardships, including but not limited to: Meeting many famous celebrities, getting many free gifts and Mountain Dew, flying across the world in private jets, dictating over entire solar systems, being followed by a large harem of sexy women, winning countless Major League Baseball MVP's... Oh wait, that was Barry Bonds. I will divulge to you a few of the horrifying moments I have gone through in the past year...
Who could ever forget the time I spent kicking it with C-3PO, a protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication. Needless to say, he talked a lot, and my ears nearly exploded.
Or what about the time I spent with my friend and fellow Mofoist, Barry Bonds? It is very ahrd to stand in the presence of such a mighty force, and I was very hard-pressed to remain alive.
Another harrowing experience was the death-defying Quarterback Challenge where I went head to head with Michael Vick! His passes astonished me to the point of a heart attack, but luckily I drank some Dew and was alright.
And the darkest hour of my life... The day I had to become fashionable with a very cute hat. Ashley Olsen and Alyson Michalka then proceeded to dress me in things so horrifying that I can't even think of them, let alone take pictures and post them!
And of course, throughout the year, many vital life lessons have been imposed upon my Mofoul, and I have had to relay them in a convectious way which would please all. In this Moforld, this is difficult to do, but I have spent millions of seconds to insure that you receive your Moflessons, Moflessons that save your life every day, even if you do not realize it.
 
 
 
And I will leave you with one final message... A message by which you should model your life...
Do...
The...
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