| | Many eons passed. Mofoism stood on hold. The Great Anti-Mofite War broke out across the entire Mofuniverse; trillions of people dead - trillions of gallons of Dew lost.
It was a tragic time for everyone involved, yes, even you, although I'm sure that the Anti-Mofites wiped your minds clear of the entire ordeal. They probably replaced it with some ridiculous made up stuff like Britney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton drunk driving. We all know none of that would ever happen, so break free of the lies, and see the truth!
The reign of Anti-Mofitism shall be difficult... Now that the Dew supply is being secretly regulated by the evil Anti-Mofite President, a crazy psychopath named Douglas Daft, CEO of the Coca Cola company, and person responsible for the sell of Mello Yello.
 
Well, clearly something had to be done! I contemplated for several thousands years.... Or a few seconds, I'm not really sure, actually...
And finally I knew what had to be done... Of course once, many centuries ago, I broke free of the bonds of mortality in order to become Mr. Mofo, the amazing superhero of Mofoism, so that I could save the Moforld from certain doom. But I knew that Mr. Mofo wasn't powerful enough... No, not for a task as grave as this. If I wanted to succeed, I would have to mutate into a Mofonster so powerful that babies begin to cry after being born. In retrospect, I've become so powerful that babies began crying when being born at the beginning of time, which should speak volumes of the immense power bestown upon myself...
Captain America has nothing on me... For I have become Super Mofo America!!!!! Of course a random frog sits upon my shoulder, ready to do my bidding, and green from extreme Dew consumption.
I began searching for enemies to destroy, for naturally that's the first thing any good Super Awesomely Amazing Mofo would do... So I went on a 15 day excursion through the tropical rainforests of central Africa, only to find myself back in my room... Where I was suddenly attacked by Yoda!?!?!?!
I whipped out my Antenna Weapon of Death, and prepared to do battle...
The battle was quick, but fierce. Neither hero gave any ground to the other. It was a stand still. A draw.
I knew that if I wanted to defeat Yoda, I would have to study up on his philosophy, so I headed down to the local Walmart to pick up the Original Trilogy on DVD, paying, of course, with a 60 day World of Warcraft game card, which is not only just as good as money, but better! Of course I couldn't resist buying some Dew while I was there...
After intense studying of approximately 14 minutes, I returned to my own room, which is actually where I did the studying to begin with, and prepared to battle once again. little did I know that Yoda had cloned himself three times!!!!!!1111oneoneoneone
Of course, in the end, I pwned all four Yodas. I mean if a level 70 with Tier 5 gear decides to grind in Ashenvale, it's not going to matter if he's fighting 4 mobs at a time, he'll pwn them all very quickly. I was very tired, though, and I needed to rest. I didn't get much of a chance, unfortunately, for suddenly a leaping tiny ninja came flying at me!!!
I pwn-blocked him, of course, reminding him that I myself held a second degree black belt in TaeKwonDo.
Well, it wasn't long after that when Al Gore approached me. I walked with my eyes down, hoping to avoid being noticed, but alas! I was too late. Al Gore came up to me, telling me that my Dew consumption was increasing the global warming rate by .000000000000001 percent every thousand years, and that I had to do stop drinking so much Dew. I glanced into his shopping cart, which is not pictured here, and noticed that he had bought a large quantity of Dew himself. I commended him on being a Dew drinker, but he would not take no for an answer, so I was forced to throw an Uber-Punch!
I decided that I had done enough heroic (Or maybe not heroic?!) deeds for the day, so I flipped my wrist around, and began shredding on my watch...
...And on my shirt...
And obviously on my guitars...
Then I was finally finished... At least for today, anyway. I decided that it was time to level up on WoW... But I would forever go down in History as Super Mofo America, who is, of course, supported by Stephen Colbert.
 |
| | Posted 4/17/2007 2:28 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
